my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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