Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
