You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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