It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Randomize
