problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
