Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Randomize
