I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
