I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Pooping to opera.
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