thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
