Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
