I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize
