I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
