I don't usually arrange sex via text message
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
