I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
