after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
