You made me cry and you don't even care
Having a random hookup so left but love u
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
