ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Randomize
