i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
her facebook's as public as her vagina
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
