Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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