I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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