Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
