I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
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