Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
