i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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