And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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