So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
