It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
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