You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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