I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Randomize
