I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
