Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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