I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
