DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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