Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
