The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
