chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
