I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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