If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
you would pick up someone in the library
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
