sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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