I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
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