What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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