I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
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