Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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