if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
