It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
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