C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
well I can't set my house on fire every night
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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