After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Randomize
