he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I would fuck him just for his dog
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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