I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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