I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
