I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
