just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
