Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
