Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
