So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
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