It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
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