i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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