Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
