I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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