Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
