maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Randomize
