This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
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